Well, this post was written by a group mate over a forum over the internet. She has a good point, and she speaks of accurate stuff (well kinda most of it). Unfortunately, if you are an English-only speaker, then you might not completely understand this post (but I’ll be providing translation along the way). This post was written targeted for Filipinos, thus this was written in a mix of Filipino-English language which is what Filipinos in the Philippines normally do.
Quick Fact: Filipinos’ main language is Tagalog and English, and their second language is their local dialect for their province or area. And there are over 110 dialects being spoken all over the Philippines. Because of this, no Filipino can who grew up in the Philippines can perfectly speak both English and Tagalog, but most of those who speak a secondary language can perfectly speak their dialect.
Of course, I grew up in the Philippines so don’t expect me to speak English perfectly. But as a child, English was my first language. And Tagalog was kinda a secondary language until I grew a little but more that I went to school where Tagalog was the primary language (But, English is the primary language for teaching).
Ok, so here’s a direct copy of the post (I’ll do some translations for the tagalog part which will be enclosed in [brackets] where the italicized part before the content in brackets are the ones translated):
EDIT: I changed the English sections to RED text for readability.
IM POSITIVELY SURE THAT A LOT OF YOU GUYS CAN RELATE TO THIS…
The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage [The “we’re like in a relationship, but not” stage]. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Pseudo-girlfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala [There could be a verbal agreement, or not]. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi [or quite possibly not]. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari [there not even a formal courting]. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa [you guys aren’t in a relationship]. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi [But your actions and talks it seems you are, but you’re not].
This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan [You guys don’t want to be in a relationship again just yet].
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam [where both of you are trying to feel each other’s feelings]. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo —usually the guy —may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi “hindi naman kayo.” [It is also possible that you guys just wanna pretend. Just to test it out. Or maybe you guys can’t be in relationship because of one of you – usually the guy – because they are in a relationship with someone. So while s/he hasn’t broke up yet with her/his current one (although sometimes they won’t really do), you guys don’t wanna be in a relationship so that the s/he isn’t in a relationship with two people, because you guys aren’t actually in any relationship (officially).]
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng “kalaro.” Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. [Especially if you’re just looking for someone toplay with. But don’t expect that it will lead somewhere because this kind of this has no certainty.]
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong setup ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? [So why do a lot of settle with these kinds of setups that has no certainty about it’s sense of direction?]
Iba’t ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng “buti na iyan kesa wala” or puwede na iyang “pantawid-gutom.” Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. [There are lot’s of reasons. Maybe it’s for fun. Or something like, “better this way than nothing”, or something just to let the feeling pass-by. Thus, while you still don’t have the real thing, you just settle for something as close to it as it can be.]
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that “kilig”[sweet tingling love-like sensation] feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako [I admit, I was once in a pseudo-relationship, too*]. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn’t commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren’t ready to commit.
* NOT ME, but the writter of this article
My rationalization, “okay na iyun, kesa wala.” [“It’s better than nothing”]
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. [All I wanted was just the sweet tingling love-like sensation. The one where someone asks how my day was. Where someone cuddles me during beach outings. Where when my phone rings, I smile because I received a message from that special person. Where I had someone always with me. So while I didn’t have the real thing, I just get contented that way.]
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi. [the girl always looses]
Una [first], you can’t ask him to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? [What are you? Do you really have the guts to ask him to fetch you in the middle of the night?] You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can’t expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos? [And what are you to him to be jealous?]
Pangalawa [Secondly], what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can’t be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya [maybe you’re just assuming he’ll love you back]. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang [you might just embarrass yourself]. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo [Third], what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships [Another downside of pseudo-relationships], it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship [you won’t know where to place yourself in a pseudo-relationship]. Wala kang pinanghahawakan [you have nothing to hold it together]. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no “us.” Meron lang “you and me,” hindi “us.” [Because in a pseudo-relationship, there’s no “us”. There’s only “you” and “me”, not “we”]
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun [It would be nice if you will only feel pseudo-pain. But NO. It’s the real pain. And usually even after it ends, you still wish it still has a continuation]. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano [Hard, isn’t it]? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you’d end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. [But you can always avoid the pain. You shouldn’t be thinking of the future, you just have to enjoy the feeling while it’s there without thinking of the consequences]
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili [you will need to choose]. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, “Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita.” [“Ok, if you don’t want to be stopped then go on. Enjoy and be happy. But don’t cry in the end, or else I’ll kick your butt”]
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang “parang kayo pero hindi” stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya [The bottom line is, if it makes you happy, do it. Just make yourself ready for the consequences. Because “being in there, but not really” is rarely true. Usually, that’s how far it can go] – almost, but not quite.“ Love is so kind that it teaches you to sacrifice. Love is so great that shows you how to care. Love is so secured that it provides you happiness. Unfortunately, love can be selfish because it teaches you to own somebody. It is cruel because it allows lovers to fall apart. It is rude because it provides barrier among friends. Love leaves you pain, burden, and tears. Love lets you do even the worst thing for others. Love teaches you to hate. ”
I hope my translation was good enough. I will not disclose who the writer was, but IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT ME. Thanks for reading.